


With Love, John

by caitlin



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Post Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 10:24:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitlin/pseuds/caitlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post reichnbach; to cope with the loss of Sherlock, Ella, John’s therapist, suggests that John write him letters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Love, John

**Author's Note:**

> I’m going to assume the fall was in late December (December 18th, 2012 to be exact) so I'm working off of that date. I do hope it's okay. It's my first.

_13.02.18_

_Sherlock,_

_Ella wants me to write you; tell you what I’ve wanted to say to you since you’ve been gone. Well, you know what I want to say?  You’re a bloody git for leaving me here, you know that? I can’t believe you’re gone. I’m angry. I don’t know how, or what, to feel and every single bloody time I try, all I do is hurt._

_Why did you have to do it Sherlock? Why did you have to jump off of that damn ledge and end your god damn life, god damn it? It’s been three months, Sherlock…three months since you’ve gone and left me here all alone. Come out of your hiding spot so I can just slap you silly. Stop playing the game._

_With Love,_

_John_

_13.03.05_

_Sherlock,_

_Greg came by today and asked how I was doing. He wanted to relate, but he couldn’t, he just looked pained. I think he misses you too, Sherlock. I even think Sally does too, dare I say it. Maybe even Anderson, but I know you far too well to even consider the two of them relevant._

_I have so many nightmares of the fall—the memories are always so…vivid. I see you all the time falling from Bart’s. It hurts, Sherlock. I’m not sure what to do anymore._

_With Love,_

_John_

_13.03.21_

_Sherlock,_

_I got a job at_ _Westminster_ _A &E…again. I suppose it’s nice to be back at a job as I can finally pay the rent for the entire flat believe it or not. I’m just scared that, if I go, everything will be gone. All of your things vanished. Then I won’t have anything to remember you by besides the memories in this kooky old head of mine. _

_It’s still so hard without you here. Ella tells me to just plow on but, sometimes, I think about joining you up there. I mean, up there, there’s no more hurt or suffering. And you’d be there. I don’t know…maybe._

_With Love,_

_John_

_13.04.17_

_Sherlock,_

_One lady asked me out for dinner tonight...I couldn't even remember her name, but I said yes, only because I was lonely. I want to stop being lonely. We went to Angelo's...the place you and I went that night during "A Study in Pink" as I called it. I couldn't help but think about you the entire time. I felt so bad afterwards; you were just occupying my mind. Stop that. It's pissing me off._

_What are you doing to me, Sherlock? I'm not...gay. Whatever you're doing, stop it. You're not even here! Am I going crazy? Is this what happens to people when their friends die? ~~I think I love you, but it's so completely irrational and I don't know~~_

_~~  
~~I miss you, Sherlock. A lot._

_With Love,_

_John_

_13.05.08_

_Sherlock,_

_Today was a terrible day. I took a leave of absence from work because I was feeling poorly and all I did was lounge around and, once again, just think about you. The only thing I could see was the fall and the blood and how even more remarkably pale your skin was._

_I tried to do it…kill myself. Unfortunately, Greg happened to walk in then and there and now they’re doing a drugs bust and, somehow, though I really shouldn’t be surprised, Mycroft knows and he’s keeping me under surveillance. Why did you have to go, Sherlock?_

_With Love,_

_John_

_P.S.- I punched_ _Anderson_ _in the nose today when he started saying awful things about you. I bet you’d be proud of me. Come home, will you?_

            “How are you, John?” purred Mycroft, his hands rested on his lap as he sat in 221B. John shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

            “Just fine,” he murmured sarcastically. Mycroft looked at him in pity. “You know, you made this happen.”

            “I know,” Mycroft said coldly. “But it’s a mistake we both need to move on from. He’s gone.”

            “I KNOW HE’S BLOODY GONE, MYCROFT!” John shouted, completely losing his temper. His hands shook and tears watered in his eyes. “Just get out of here. Out of…my flat.” He trembled as Mycroft simply nodded and was gone within seconds.

            “Sherlock, you bloody bastard,” he murmured. “Why won’t you just fucking come back so I don’t have to hurt anymore…why did you have to die?”

 

_13.06.18_

_Dearest Sherlock,_

_It’s been six months since you…you know. I remember how it was in the beginning—for a while, it was nice not hearing you order me around and not having your experiments blowing up in the kitchen. Of course then I was in complete denial and was convinced that you had just taken a holiday. But then afterwards, once I came to my senses, I couldn’t do anything._

_It was these six months that made me realise why I’ve retaliated the way I did when you fell.  I didn’t just lose my best friend, Sherlock. I lost the person whom I loved most in the world. I know that know and I want you back. I want you to egotistically stride through our front door with that posh suit and mysterious cloak of yours and tell me that you’re back and you’re never going to leave me again._

_I miss you, Sherlock. I miss you shouting at crap telly, I miss your quick-as-a-whip deductions on all of our cases, I miss you and your mind palace, god damn it. And I just want you to come home, you fucking bastard because I miss you. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. And I love you, so much. Come back, Sherlock. Come home._

_With Love,_

_John_

 

_13.06.28_

_My dear Sherlock,_

_I’m going to Harry’s for a few weeks. I’ve quit my job at the A &E and I’m going to let my sister take care of me for a while. The letters will stop (though it’s not like you can actually read them.) for a little while. She’s just going to preoccupy me for a while and see if she, if all people, can get me back on my feet. I hope so. I love you, I love you, I love you. Goodbye, Sherlock._

_With Love,_

_John_

            “Get your lazy bum off my couch and go do something productive! It’s been three weeks, John, and you’ve done absolutely nothing!” Harry shouted sarcastically from the kitchen. I scoffed,

            “You know I would if I could, Harry,” I sat up. Harry walked in, handing me a cup of tea. “I just don’t know how to get over it. He was my best friend.”

            “I know, John, but, sometimes, you have to let go. You have to remember that he’s not here anymore.” John’s eyes watered,

            “But I want him here. I love him, Harry.” His eyes widened for a moment, surprised that he’d actually said it aloud. Harry smiled softly at him.

            “Wonder how Mummy’s gonna react when she finds out she’s not getting any grandchildren,” She teased. John chuckled lightly, the first time he’s smiled in months. “But it’s all okay, John. He’ll always be with you in your heart.”

            “I suppose you want me out then?”

            “Pretty please? I love you and all, but you’re such a handful.” She smiled, putting her arm around her brother’s shoulder. He grinned,

            “I’ll go pack.”

 

            In the dead of the night, a familiar, black hooded figure cautiously stepped into 221B. The lights were off all around the flat which was peculiar because John always kept the living room light off just in case Sherlock were to arrive. He’s always done that.

            The man took another step and tripped over something on the ground—a box. Rubbing his chin, he stepped over and turned on the lamp before retrieving the box. That box just so happened to be all of John’s letters to Sherlock.

            Curiously, the man read through all of the heartfelt letters that John had written him in the previous six months. His eyes began to water at the mention of John’s attempted suicide. Why—How could he do that? Had Sherlock really hurt him so much that he would kill himself just to be with him?

            Sherlock’s stomach was churned at the thought of losing John forever--it would kill him even more. And he was already a dead man! But then, he reached the fifth and six letters. _“And I love you, so much.”_ His eyes widened at the words. John loved Sherlock. Sherlock loved John. 

             The front door opened revealing John who was drenched in rain water, his leather stay-over bag in his left hand and an open umbrella in his right. His jaw was dropped at the the man across the flat reading all of the letters he'd very well poured his heart out to. 

             "Sher-I'm sorry, what the hell is going on here?" John asked, dropping his bag and umbrella on the door and slamming the door. "I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming. Holy shit, Sherlock, you're here. What the fuck-" he was cut off by a soft pair of lips. Sherlock's lips, obviously. And in that kiss he poured out all the pain and suffering he'd felt in the last eight months without Sherlock and in turn, Sherlock poured out everything. 

           "Why did you fucking leave me here all alone?" John gasped in between kisses. 

           "If I didn't, you would've died for real," Sherlock mumbled, holding onto John's face as he pulled away briefly. "It was a choice I had to make--sacrifice myself or the person I cared about the most. I did intend to come back and I did," he stared into John's blue eyes. "I did it for you, John." 

           "You're so...stupid, Sherlock," he muttered, burying his face into Sherlock's chest, wrapping his arms around his torso. "So stupid and amazing and wonderful," he whispered, looking up into Sherlock's own, now relieved, light green eyes. "You're never leaving me again." 

           "I'm not. Not ever." 

            

_13.08.05_

_Sherlock,_

_Welcome home. I love you._

_Yours,_

_John_

_13.08.05_

_John,_

_I love you too, John._

_Yours,_

_Sherlock_


End file.
